Dragonfly sunburn
On Sunday I spent some time in the sun without sun block. I was wearing my dragonfly necklace and guess what? Even after taking it off I was still sort of wearing it.
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.: posted by Vera 
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(C)Rush
When I was a junior in college, I once rushed a sorority. The sorority was Sigma Kappa, which consisted of nothing but girls with long blond hair who shopped at J Crew and Express. I don't know what I was thinking rushing it, considering I had short brown hair at the time and shopped at Aardvaarks and Salvation Army. I know it seems superficial to compare on the basis of our hair and where we shopped but the truth is that both I and the sorority girls were superficial in our own ways, so I might as well use that as a basis of comparison.
I rushed as a desperate attempt to stay close to my former roommate, Natalie*, a beautiful girl with thick lustrous long blond hair, who was a junior transfer student like me. We were both new to the school and had been placed in the same student apartment. She joined a sorority and started going out with fraternity guys while I started pining over the pale skinny guy next door with the VW bug. Just a couple of months later she moved out and in with some of her sorority sisters and left me behind, and I missed her. So another month or so later, I considered joining her sorority in hopes of staying friends with her.
As soon as I started rushing, all these Sigma Kappa girls wanted to be my best friend (well, not really, but at least they pretended) and wanted to invite me to all these keg parties and hook me up with all these fraternity guys. As soon as I announced that I was not going to join Sigma Kappa, all of that stopped.
Thank god I didn't join, if only to see how conditional the friendship and closeness of these girls was. I think that saying no to the sorority was a very pivotal moment of my college years, a moment in which I was lonely and heart-broken (my boyfriend of four years had just dumped me) and really needed to make friends, but in which, despite the temptation of an easy albeit ill-fitted social life, I stayed true to myself and chose no friends over fake blond friends**. Shortly thereafter I had found my own little social pockets within the university - the people from a wine tasting class that I wasn't a part of but that I got to know somehow, who used to like to go to the Muse in Pasadena on Wednesday nights, and the asian and white fusion of econ nerds that I had classes with, some of which ended up becoming my best friends.
Many months later, after Natalie had been through a feud with one of her "sisters" over some plagiarism, I believe, and been kicked out of their apartment, we ran into each other and she said "I remember how you used to sit by the window, looking for that guy with the bug. God, I miss those days." Yeah, me too. I wonder what happened to that guy. I never even found out his name.
*Not to confuse with my desert friend Natalie who I had met two years earlier.
**Sorority girls are no doubt fine people. I am not trying to put them down as a species. I am just saying that they weren't for me.
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.: posted by Vera
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A glimpse of the future
I went to see a psychic today. This was the second time that I have seen one in the last six months. I swear, psychics do more effective work than any other therapists. Both times (I went to two different people) I felt like a million bucks afterwards. It's almost like a very personalized pep talk. And I mean "pep talk" in the most positive sense you could possibly interpret it, a talk that invigorates you and reaffirms your right and purpose to be here on this earth.
Afterwards I didn't take the freeway home, but decided to drive along El Camino Real, doing no more than 35mph. I almost felt like not only was I floating inside the car but my car was floating as well. I felt totally expanded and elated, not only for the present moment but also for my future. What better way to live than to make people feel like they are floating?
In the bathroom of the psychic's office was the following quote:
"I cured with the power that came through me. Of course, it was not I who cured, it was the power from the Outer World, the visions and the ceremonies had only made me like a hole through which the power could come to the two-leggeds.
If I thought that I was doing it myself, the hole would close up and no power could come through. Then everything I could do would be foolish."
Black Elk
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.: posted by Vera
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Reptile
In 1997 I used to sometimes hear this song on the radio that I really really liked. I never knew what it was but I think at some point I figured out that the song was possibly maybe by the Church.
Almost eight years later, tonight I found the song. It's called Reptile and is indeed by the Church, from the Starfish album.
Please listen to Reptile.
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.: posted by Vera
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Tub time
I cleaned my bath tub this morning, and I noticed that it totally worked out my butt muscles. My tub is CLEAN. And my butt is TIGHT right now. Perhaps it's time for YOU to clean your bath tub too. Your tub could probably use this exercise as much as your butt, yes?
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.: posted by Vera
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LV, NV
My boy is in Las Vegas right now, and it made me think of the last time I was in Vegas.
It was August 2000. My then-boyfriend and I were on our way to Virginia in my white Golf. It was our first day of driving. We had left the west side of LA around 11 or so that morning. We had driven through Victorville and I had said to him "I used to live here." He wanted to stay and look around but the thing is that there is nothing to see there. So we just went to a gas station there and got some gas and I peed and we kept driving towards Las Vegas.
We checked into a cheap motel that had a view of the lights running up and down the Luxor pyramid. I looked at the lights many times during the night, and they gave me comfort. We ordered a huge pizza and a huge salad and a huge bottle of coke to be delivered to our motel room. It was a great "I just quit a job that I hated and I have no idea what I'm going to do next but I'm moving across the country to be with my boyfriend and that's all that matters right now and we're in Las Vegas and we can order whatever we want" moment. After we ate, we got stoned and walked around outside for a while. It was very hot and very weird.
The next morning I took a shower in a weird round plastic shower cabin with a round sliding door, and then we went to a Starbucks around the block and drank coffee or whatever it was that each of us drank at the moment, and I read about Gwyneth Paltrow in a magazine and how she was going through a really hard time because her dad was sick and Brad Pitt had dumped her, and I remember taking much pleasure in her pain, and at the time I felt bad about it, but now I know that it was not because I liked seeing her suffer but because I knew that on a deeper level her soul was learning and evolving, and that great things were waiting for her at the end of all the pain, like maybe a baby named Apple, except that I didn't know that part then.
We left Las Vegas, and I remember being worried about my car because it was heaving in the dry heat, and our next stop was Hoover Dam.
But wait, that wasn't the last time I was in Las Vegas because on our way back to California two years later, we stopped in Las Vegas again, but only for lunch this time. We went to In-N-Out and I ordered a Double Double. My boyfriend couldn't believe that I ordered a Double Double, he thought it was so gross. He thought that clearly a regular burger would be enough. I explained to him that one time when I was an exchange student in 1993, these very nice people told me they would take me to have the best burger in the world, and they took me to In-N-Out in Pasadena and said that I had to have a Double Double, and I did and I didn't regret it because it was a very good burger, and that's why every time I go to In-N-Out now, I have a Double Double. My boyfriend and I sat down to eat, but it was very difficult for me to eat because my boyfriend kept saying how disgusting I was for eating such a big burger and that I was going to get fat. I moved to another table so that I could eat in peace but he followed me and stopped complaining. I ended up leaving half of my uneaten burger and the question "Why am I WITH this guy?" right there at the In-N-Out in Las Vegas.
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.: posted by Vera
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Ask me a question
I need to practice my psychic skills. Do you want to be my guinea pig? Then ask me a question, something that you're struggling with in life, that you're trying to figure out an answer to. It cannot be a question that can be answered with a simple yes or no answer. Ask away! Send your question to psychicbugATgmail.com. Please also include your first name. I will reply with an answer within 48 hours.
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.: posted by Vera
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The totally bearable lightness of being
I am back on my fast, not just because I like being thin but more so because I like feeling light. By feeling light I don't mean not weighing much but not having much in your stomach. I haven't even lost any weight yet, but I have been feeling light for a few days, and it feels good. In German, the word leicht has two meanings: It means light(weight), and it means easy. That's the thing. When you're light, everything is so much easier - thinking, feeling, sleeping, exercising, oh yeah, and looking in the mirror.
So pretty much, I eat breakfast, and other than that I just eat snacks. When I get hungry, I eat a little snack and stop eating when I am not hungry anymore. I don't know if you have ever noticed, but it usually only takes a few bites to not feel hungry anymore. I don't eat a full meal unless I am eating with other people. Because I don't want to be a party pooper, you know.
Don't get me wrong - as a female in the western world, I have had my standard share of eating disorders. Maybe this is just a metaphysical pretext for a physical eating disorder. But I promise you: Feeling light is better than feeling thin.
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.: posted by Vera
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New business card
Whaddaya think?
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.: posted by Vera
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The Dragonfly
For a few months I have been very drawn to dragonflies. It all started around October when I first became interested in sharpening my intuition. My aunt Inge had told me that wearing the gemstone Lapis Lazuli is supposed to increase your chances of attracting love. But when I read about Lapis Lazuli, more evidence seemed to suggest that it can help you become more intuitive. I thought "Forget love; how about some intuition!" So I decided to start wearing Lapis Lazuli. I found a great blue dragonfly ring on Ebay which claimed to be Lapis Lazuli. Upon closer inspection though, I had to realize that it wasn't Lapis Lazuli at all. I was a little bit disappointed but continued to wear the ring nonetheless because I liked it. In January then, a guy asked me about my ring. I told him that I thought it was Lapis Lazuli and that I had bought it because Lapis Lazuli is said to increase your intuitive awareness, but that it wasn't actually Lapis Lazuli and that maybe I bought the wrong ring. But then the guy started telling me about medicine cards*, which all represent animals, and that there is a dragonfly card, and that maybe I should look into the meaning of the dragonfly card, and that maybe I got the right ring after all.
So the next day I did some research on the meaning of dragonflies and found that it's not so far from intuition. For instance, a certain internet dream dictionary says:
Dragonfly
Spiritual, magical, or other-worldly. Often means that unseen help or a spiritual message is available to you.
Well, yeah. That's pretty much what I'm looking for. Also, the original dragonfly medicine card mentions several things that are very applicable to me right now.
Some legends say that Dragonfly was once Dragon. - According to Chinese astrology, I am a dragon as well. But these days I feel more like a dragonfly.
Dragonfly medicine always beckons you to seek out the parts of your habits which you need to change. [...] If you feel the need for change, call on Dragonfly to guide you through the mists of illusion to the pathway of transformation. Yes, change. I am still going through a massive transformation that started last year.
Follow Dragonfly to the place inside your body where magic is still alive, and drink deeply of its power. [...] This ability is ever changing, and contains within it the knowledge that you are creating it all. Manifestation, baby!
So yeah. I quite identify with the dragonfly right now. After my blue dragonfly ring broke in February, I got a new one.
Also, a week ago was my birthday and the next day was Alison's birthday, and Alison makes jewelry, and she recently made a dragonfly necklace, so as a birthday present to myself and to her, I ordered it. Thanks, Alison!
I'm sure you all are sick of hearing about dragonflies, so I am going to stop now.
*They are now on my wish list.
Editor's Note: I now have a new website, Dragonfly Psychic.
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.: posted by Vera
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Licensed
My driver's license expired on 05/05/05. So I had to get a new one.
This picture was taken in the summer of 1996, just after I came to the United States for good. The address listed on it is from 2000 though because that's when my license had to get renewed.
This picture was taken on 05/03/05. I like it.
Things that are still/again the same:
- Pierced nose
- Weight
Things that are different in 2005:
- RSTR: CORR LENS is missing
- Skinnier eye brows
- The signature looks somehow looser
Also, thanks to Brittney's article, Blogged to Death, I learned a new expression today: navel-gazing. I guess that's exactly what I'm doing today: lots and lots of navel-gazing.
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.: posted by Vera
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"It's normal to be a spiritual being guided by the universe"
For those of you who are curious about what it means to listen to your psychic sense (no, I am not talking about holding one's hands over a crystal ball), here is an easy-to-read article by Sonia Choquette called In Vibes We Trust. I read a book by the same author recently and enjoyed it very much.
The good news is that today, as we march firmly into the New Age and science recognizes that the sixth sense is real, it's much more modern and intelligent to get with it and learn to trust your vibes as natural gifts, rather than seeing them as alien.
Exactly. I am thinking about starting a new blog where I talk about nothing but this stuff.
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.: posted by Vera
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Kill your computer
You know those T-shirts and bumper stickers that say "Kill your television"? I think they need to start making some that say "Kill your computer" on them. I really think that a computer isn't any better than a television. It is definitely worse for your eyes because you are much closer to it. It is also probably more addictive because whereas the number of TV channels is limited, the number of internet channels is NOT.
I killed my television two years ago. I think my computer is definitely next. I am sick of it. It's sucking the life out of me.
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.: posted by Vera
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My roommates don't know this yet
I have decided that I am going to find a new place to live. For the first time in my life I feel a strong desire to live by myself. I have started looking for a studio apartment.
One of the main reasons is that I want people to be able to come see me so I can do psychic readings on them. The few times that I have done this for friends, it was done in my room, sitting on my bed. My current living-room won't work for that either because the shared office is adjacent to it, and there just wouldn't be enough privacy. I also can't afford to rent an additional space somewhere just so I can do the psychic work. I will have to do this in my own home. So I need to live in a place that allows these readings to take place.
It is becoming more and more apparent to me how important it is to me to really start doing the psychic work. Now I am willing to leave behind the best apartment I have ever lived in!
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.: posted by Vera
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Rain
Today is my 29th birthday. Four years ago, while I was living in Virginia, I turned 25. I remember celebrating on the roof of our office with people from work. One of my co-workers had brought a friend who was also celebrating her birthday. Rain was turning 29. I remember her looking at me enviously and then expressing how lucky I was that I was only turning 25. "29 is hard" she said. I remember feeling sorry for her, not only because she was so much older but also because she seemed to be so unhappy about it. Today, I still feel sorry for her but not because she is now 33 but I still feel sorry for 29-year-old Rain. But I don't feel sorry for 29-year-old me because I don't think 29 is hard at all.
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.: posted by Vera
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My new favorite spot
I recently discovered a small park in my neighborhood. It's McKinley Park on 20th and Vermont, about an 11 minute walk from my house. Ever since I found it, I have been going there at least once a week. When I go there, I just swing on the swing and look at the city and the hills through the trees. Afterwards my legs are all sore from swinging and my walk is all wobbly. It's a great spot for thinking and getting inspired and letting the wind blow around you and listening to the city roar beneath you, or maybe that's just the freeway. When you close your eyes, you might almost feel like you're not even in your body and just floating through space, and that the city is nothing but space disguised as a city.
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.: posted by Vera
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