Nu blue jacket
I bought the coolest jacket last night. At Mission Thrift. I had to have it. They had just gotten it in that day. It was still warm from the dryer. It smells like fresh laundry. The collar has two different states. It's electric blue.
|
.: posted by Vera 
|
|
New Year's Eve superlatives
[Note: When I say "New Year's 1995," what I mean is "the night between December 31, 1995 and January 1, 1996."]
The most drunk New Year's I ever had was New Year's 1995. It was my last year in Germany. It was my last year of school. I was entitled to a lot of drinking, damnit. I was at a big all-you-can-drink party at a barn somewhere, along with the rest of the Who's Who in grades 11 through 13 of my school. At one point I made my then-boyfriend and my best girlfriend kiss each other because I thought they were both beautiful, and I wanted to see them kiss. It was one of the coldest nights that year. After the party, I walked home with my boyfriend, my girlfriend, her sister and another classmate. It was already light out. The streets were completely iced up, and we kept falling on our asses because the streets were slippery and also because we were drunk out of our minds. The other classmate kept picking me up from behind every time I fell, and accidentally touched my boobs every time. We were home by about 7:30 am. That day I experienced the worst hangover of my life. It was physically impossible for me to climb stairs. I had to stay in the basement all day.
The most "otherwise" entoxicated New Year's I ever had was New Year's 1999. Yes, the Y2K New Year's. My then-boyfriend (different from Mr. 1995) and I and a bunch of friends went to a big rave called M2K at the LA Sports Arena. I wore a turquoise wig and started "feeling it" in the hip hop room. I met a guy that night who wore a shirt with a flashing cross on it. He told me he wore it because he was a priest. I believed him.
The saddest New Year's I ever had was New Year's 1991. I had found out right before Christmas that the boy I liked liked me too. I thought that New Year's was going to be the day we would become an item. Unfortunately he changed his mind about me at the last minute because I was too fickle or something. Fact is that in his case I wasn't fickle at all because I continued to pine over him for at least another year after that without ever getting him. Bastard.
The most embarrassing New Year's I ever had was New Year's 1998. I was visiting Germany, and the local newspaper had just published an article about me and how I had emigrated to the United States. The article included a priceless picture of me pointing at California on a globe and simultaneously holding up my greencard and my California driver's license. Needless to say, most of the people at the New Year's Eve party I attended recognized me, said "I saw you in the paper today" and then ran away laughing. That night I also, after talking to a cute former classmate for a few hours, attempted to kiss him, at which point he backed off and said "I don't do that." The only good thing that night was repeatedly stuffing cheese puffs up a sleeping party guest's nose while his bitchy sister kept removing them.
Will tonight be another superlative? God, I hope not.
|
.: posted by Vera
|
|
Happy UK New Year
A few minutes ago I celebrated the New Year with my friends in the UK over at Breaks FM. Or rather, I listened to their Breaks stream at work while they celebrated the New Year. About ten minutes before midnight the host announced "We have about ten minutes to go. I am going to take a piss and then prepare for the onslaught."
Then at midnight he screamed "Happy 7 o'clock in the evening, East Coast of America! It's the motherfucking New Year in the UK!"
I was endlessly amused.
|
.: posted by Vera
|
|
Déjà vu
In February 1999 I came to San Francisco for a weekend to visit my friends Monica and Robby. Monica had just turned 21, and we were going to celebrate. I was living in the LA area at the time. I was also depressed and heartbroken and my self-esteem was at a low point. The visit cheered me up a bit. I especially remember one very comforting moment. We were at a fancy restaurant somewhere in the Castro on Market Street. Since this was only my third visit to San Francisco, I had no idea where exactly we were. We ordered appetizers and drank bellinis. I had never had a bellini before. It was delicious. One time I went to the bathroom at the fancy restaurant. Song 12 from Madonna's Ray of Light was playing: Little Star. The CD had been on heavy rotation in my CD player at home in my little, depressed student housing room, and this song was one of my favorites. Here are some excerpts from the lyrics:
Never forget who you are
Little star
Never forget how to dream
Butterfly
You breathe new life
Into my broken heart
May the angels protect you
And sadness forget you
Little star
There's no reason to weep
Lay your head down to sleep
Little star
May goodness surround you
While I was in that bathroom listening to the song, slightly entoxicated from at least one bellini, I saw the light at the end of the depression I was going through. "It's all true!" I thought. "I am a little star, and I shouldn't be sad like this. Beautiful things are in store for me." I rejoined my party at the table smiling at the thought of the secret I had just discovered: I was a little star, and nobody could take that away from me. This may sound cheesy, but when you're depressed and lonely like that, this kind of self-serving perspective is sometimes the only thing that will get you through the day. It was a moment I won't soon forget.
Back to the present: I recently found myself at Mecca for a work party. Mecca is on Market Street across the street from the Safeway. I had driven by it many times. People asked me prior to the party if I had been to Mecca before. I said that I hadn't. After about an hour of being at the restaurant, my coworker Israel approached me holding a sweet-looking orange-colored drink. I asked him what he was drinking. He replied that it was a bellini. I said "Ah, a bellini! I have only had a bellini once before. It was at a fancy restaurant somewhere on Market Street ... a long time ago..."
Do you see where this is going?
Israel, who incidentally used to work at Mecca, said "A fancy restaurant on Market Street that serves bellinis? Are you sure it wasn't this one?" I looked around, and that's when it all came crashing in. The row of tables by the window. The steel counter top. The... bathroom - oh, it's back there - yep, that's the one! The next drink I ordered was a bellini. Then I went to the bathroom and took a picture, thankful that I am a much happier and more confident person now.
|
.: posted by Vera
|
|
Julia's apartment
As announced previously, I have put together some pictures of my friend Julia's apartment in Düsseldorf, Germany. She has lived in the same apartment for about six years now, and I relish her style every time I am over. She doesn't call herself a designer for nothing, you know.
|
.: posted by Vera
|
|
I LOVE my presents!
Every single one of my Christmas presents this year was a total winner. It goes to show that my loved ones really know me.
Here they are, in unwrapping order.
My sister gave me a colorful sweater with a matching yellow belt. I LOVE to match!
My ex-boyfriend gave me a Hello Kitty 2004 calendar. I think this was a very sweet gesture. I LOVE Hello Kitty!
My brother gave me rainbow socks with individual toes. If you have never worn these kind of socks, you don't know how difficult it is to get each of your individual toes into its individual compartment. But I managed because I LOVE rainbow socks!
My parents gave me Anna Sui perfume. It smells very sweet, which is why I asked for it. It totally looks like it has patchouli in it, doesn't it? And you know what, it just might. I LOVE... okay, this is getting old.
Also from my parents, these gloves are convertible. They are initially finger-free, but they have flaps which can be pulled over your fingers if they get too cold. German engineering at its best.
I thought I'd also mention this pillow case my mom made me for my birthday in May. There is a story behind it. Ever since I was about ten years old, I have had a little pillow exactly this size which I have been sleeping on on top of my regular-sized pillow. My mom and I sewed the first pillow case together. It was white and had a mouse on it. I used it until I was 15, at which point it had gotten pretty worn out, and my mom gave me a new, green one with a mouse on it for Christmas. I used that one for years and years and years, and I think I still have it somewhere, but I don't know where. This year my mom gave me a rainbow pillow case for my birthday to replace the now-12-year-old mouse pillow case. But I couldn't find the pillow that goes inside it! This size pillow is very common in Germany, but I was having a hard time finding one in the U.S. So when I went home to Germany just recently, my mom gave me a new pillow so that I could finally inaugurate the rainbow pillow case. I LOVE sleeping on a rainbow!
|
.: posted by Vera
|
|
I will be speaking at a conference!
It's been confirmed: I will be giving a talk about Web Services in Flash MX 2004 at Flash in the Can in Toronto, Canada in the beginning of April. Why, my name appears on the front page! This is the first time I will be speaking at a conference, and I am thrilled and terrified at the same time. Professionally, this is definitely a dream come true.
|
.: posted by Vera
|
|
A new home for BAH
I haven't been hooping for the last few weeks because the park just isn't the same when it's gray, rainy, and coldish. But we have finally found an indoor hoop space: From now until the end of January at least, we will be hooping at CELLspace, a collaborative art and community center. Today was our first day in the new home. Report and pictures at hooping.org.
|
.: posted by Vera
|
|
Geek Squad
I have been seeing black and white VW beetles around the city that say Geek Squad on them. I am most intrigued. I am tempted to call them over and have them look at my perfectly functional computer. Well, my scanner has been acting up at times...
|
.: posted by Vera
|
|
Between Us and Them
November and December are the months of reflection and melancholy. You think about your past and you think about people from your past. Min Jung and I had a long conversation about this recently, and Jane has hinted at this as well. I started getting these reflective feelings right on time this year, on November 1st. And even though I am really pretty happy these days, there has been a vague seasonal sadness on the tip of my tongue ever since. Around Thanksgiving, for instance, I thought about last year's Thanksgiving, which I spent with my ex-boyfriend. And it wasn't the kind of "Oh, I wish I was still with him" reminiscence, it was more like "Yes, I am happy right now, but THAT was nice too."
Even if nothing is really wrong, this annual reflection leaves you craving comfort in the shape of settings, people, edibles, music, etc. When I get emotionally vulnerable like this, my musical orientation changes. While I usually prefer driving, dirty, bassy music that makes me jump up and down, right now I feel drawn to quieter, more melodic tunes, music that can only be described as soothing. Chill Factor 100 is an online radio station that plays the kind of music I need right now. One of the songs that have been playing on there lately is Between Us and Them by Ulrich Schnauss. Every time I hear it, I feel like I am wrapped in a Hello Kitty blanket and being spoon-fed hot chocolate. Needless to say I listen to it about seventeen times a day. Last year around this time, I went through a similar period where I clung to Amo Bishop Roden by Boards of Canada for dear life until the days started getting longer and I was ready to look forward instead of backward again.
|
.: posted by Vera
|
|
Back in the land of hills and pastel architecture
I saw the sunrise today, and while I watched it, I saw a plane fly by, and I am so glad that both of my feet are back on the ground, and I am even gladder that I don't have to work today.
|
.: posted by Vera
|
|
Visits
I don't know if anyone remembers, but the main reason I came to Europe again was to go to a Flash conference in Marseille, France which unfortunately was cancelled last month. Since I wasn't terribly excited about spending another ten days in my sleepy, gray hometown watching television with my parents, I did a little bit of extra travelling, and I'm really glad I did.
Last Friday I took a train from Münster to Cologne, then another one from Cologne to Brussels, and finally the train through the tunnel to London to visit one of my Flash buddies for the weekend. It was very geeky and very fun and you can read more about it here.
Then yesterday I drove my parents' old car (the very one mentioned here, by the way) to Düsseldorf to geek out some more and to see my best friend in the world, Julia. I realized with horror that I hadn't been to her super mod apartment in four years (pictures coming soon), so it was definitely time. It felt so good to be there again, to be girls and just slumber around, drinking champagne, watching Ice Age, listening to Out of Time by Blur over and over again, and then falling asleep together in her bed under four blankets and with a children's tape playing. It was pure heaven.
Tomorrow I will be doing some more travelling, but this time back to my favorite city in the world, San Francisco.
Editor's Note: Pictures of Julia's apartment are here.
|
.: posted by Vera
|
|
Rachel's Holiday
You may have known from my sidebar that for the past few months I have been trying to read Rachel's Holiday by Marian Keyes. I first found out about the book via Jane's blog. The first half of the book has been slow-going, but now that I'm on vacation, I am finally putting a dent in it.
Rachel's Holiday is about a 27-year-old Irish girl who lived in New York City, got heavily into cocaine and is now in rehab back in Ireland. The present of the story is set in rehab but there are frequent flashback chapters to Rachel's time in New York. One of those chapters is about the course of one night where Rachel flies high on cocaine at a party at her own apartment and then crashes down into the dark throngs of fear and paranoia the next morning. I found it fascinating. Here are some excerpts that collectively paraphrase the story of that night.
The pleasure from the hit began long before I actually snorted anything. Just effecting the transaction with Wayne was enough to get my adrenaline rushing. The dollars that I paid him were crisper and greener than usual.
...
[...] I felt the tingling start in my face and melt the numbness that came from the initial hit. I turned to my mirror and smiled at myself. God, I was looking well tonight. Radiant. Look at how clear my skin was. See how shiny my hair was. Look at how warm my smile was. How impish, how sexy.
...
I felt fantastic and nothing could upset me...
...
I felt invincible. Strong, dazzling, confident. Able to meet any challenges head-on.
...
Jesus, I thought, my loins instantly afire, he's looking well. "Hello," I purred, holding his gaze for what seemed like a day and a half.
...
I found I had stood up straight and had thrust my chest at him, saucy-temptress-fashion. My nipples had gone hard just from looking at him.
...
Silently I stepped close to him, and while he gazed at me in surprise, I hooked my index finger into the waistband of his jeans. And, holding his startled look, in one fluid motion, I pulled him toward me. I nearly laughed out loud with pleasure. I felt so empowered by my unusually raunchy behavior [...]
...
He shook his head and, with a small push, moved away from me.
...
"The arrogance of you," he said with a little laugh.
...
"[...] get back to me when your ego has returned to earth."
...
My confidence was shaken.
...
It was just about time for another line.
...
I got lucky that night. I hooked up with a bloke called Daryl [...]
...
I realized I was talking too much.
...
[...] the sun had come up.
...
[...] I felt alone with such intensity, it was as though I was hollow. I watched the dust motes dancing in the early-morning light and felt as if I had a hotline to the center of the universe and that too was hollow, empty and alone.
...
Emptiness around me. Emptiness within me.
...
The streets were menacing and threatening. Science-fiction land.
...
When I saw a cab approaching, I nearly fell to my knees in gratitude.
...
And then I wanted to get out. I didn't trust him.
...
"If I'm not home in ten minutes, [my roommate]'s going to call the police," I told him. That made me feel better. Briefly.
...
A few seconds later terror burst into flames within me.
...
"What number do you want?" I heard my murderer say.
...
I sat on the kitchen floor and waited to feel normal. Eventually I thought I could face going to bed. When the emptiness took hold I hated going to bed alone.
...
"Where did you go with the coke?" [the roommate] murmured. [...] "Half that gram was mine. It wasn't yours to take." My fear ripped wide open again. Brigit was angry with me. My free-floating paranoia had something concrete to hang on it.
I realize this patchwork quote is rather long, but I thought it was worth sharing with the world. I really like the way the author draws the up and down motion.
|
.: posted by Vera
|
|
I'm in Germany - where are you?
For the second time this year I am at my parents' house in little tiny Nordwalde, Germany. I arrived last night, and after having some champagne and vanilla liquor, I slept until 2:30pm today. The flight was remarkably short and unpainful due to an intentional overdose of generic Xanax.
Here is my dad carrying my hoop through the Düsseldorf airport after my arrival.
|
.: posted by Vera
|
|
I Got Freaky again
Last night I went to my second Get Freaky party at 550 Barneveld. The first one was a big hit. Once again, two huge UK DJ's were on the line-up: Adam Freeland and Krafty Kuts. Unfortunately I missed Krafty Kuts because he wasn't going to come on until 3:30, and I just wasn't going to last that long.
So instead of Krafty Kuts, here is Lorin from San Francisco with all of his hair.
Adam Freeland was heavily trainspotted.
Courtney, a girl I met that night.
|
.: posted by Vera
|
|
The Urban Orgasm
I have mentioned it before but I didn't really explain what I meant by it.
I started using the term Urban Orgasm in 1997. It's the overwhelming feeling of joy I get when the high rises of a big city suddenly shift into view. I was living in the Southern California desert in 1997, about an hour and a half from downtown Los Angeles. Once in a while, my friends and I would venture out of the desert and drive to, say, Hollywood to go to a club or to go shopping. On those occasions, we always had to side-swipe downtown Los Angeles. The 10 freeway is set up in a way that shortly after Alhambra, you sort of follow this curve through a couple of smallish hills, and then all of a sudden - voila. There it is. There is downtown LA, sometimes barely visible through the smog, yet you can make out the tall buildings in the distance. So imposing. So mysterious. So urban.
I am from a small town. I don't like small towns. I like big cities. And certain big cities really do it for me. Seattle came close.
|
.: posted by Vera
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
